Sleepy

I've been reeeeeeeeally tired lately. Obnoxiously so. I'm pretty good at hiding it in front of my friends, but I've been zoning out and almost falling asleep in class on multiple occasions. Just... Yeah. Been losing a lot of sleep and energy. It's not like I'm not eating well! And usually I go to sleep at a decent time... But I can't seem to sleep deeply anymore. I'm waking in fits and starts again. Any dreams are little flashes that are mixed into reality. I haven't had any nightmares, thankfully, but I'm getting a little shaky.

On another note... Care Bear's in the hospital. She had been for quite some time, too. Since at least just after my last post on the blog. She was coughing up blood, which usually is normal, but this time it was more severe. I'm really worried about her, but she should be fine. She might be out in just over a week, but no promises. At this point she's just bored and frustrated with her family. At least her nurse is hot and nice.

Yesterday I was really depressed. I didn't tell anyone why, but it's my dad and grandpa again. They're just... I'm shuddering to think of them. The other night my dad was doing that innocent thing where, when I'm lying on the couch, he sits at the far end and I put my legs on his lap and he idly rubs my leg. Well, I was wearing shorts, since I had just gotten home from volunteering at the pool for one of my previous coaches. He kept rubbing my thigh and getting higher and stuff. It made me really uncomfortable, but of course I can't make a scene with my mom in the room. Then there was my grandpa, who kept making glances down my v-neck without even bothering to be discreet. And whenever I got up to go get a drink or something, I could feel him staring at my ass. I actually looked back a couple times to confirm it.

Next morning he was up early! Of course. And again he kept being perverted while he sat at the kitchen table. Just staring at my ass and the rest of my body while I went around getting ready for school. I tried to confine myself to my room as much as possible and actually ate a really small breakfast up there instead of having to deal with him. And then when I left he still had the nerve of getting up and standing in the doorway to watch me fiddle with my jacket and stuff. I finally gave up with the buttons and just plain fled the house. I ended up forgetting my shoes for gym and lied to my substitute teacher about having to work on Planning during that block.

So my depression that day was kinda understandable. I spent the lunch hour going around to all the girls' bathrooms and writing pick-me-ups inside the bathroom stalls over the carved insults. Things like "smile, you're perfect" and stuff like that. It made me feel good when a girl went into the bathroom as I was leaving and I heard her laugh happily when she saw one of my little notes.

I felt better up until Zeus made a joking comment about being my father, thus he was able to touch me inappropriately. I was joking about him putting his hand under the flap on the back of my jacket over my shoulders as "violating me," so I guess I completely set it up, but after that comment, it was really hard to keep my spirits up. Getting home to my mom interrogating me about everything I did that day and my dad and grandpa teasing me and snapping at me for being a little bit grumpy just sent me in a spiral. I cried in my room until my mom called me down for dinner.

I wish I could do something about this situation, but I really can't. Because if I say something, my family would end up in conflict, which is something I can't stand. When I was little, my parents fought all the time. Them fighting is one of my worst fears. And I would lose so much as a result... I couldn't bare that.

-Persephone

Currently Here

Boys: Kyo, Soturi, Neji, Caro, Griffin, William

Girls: Megumi, Amarina, Jasmine, Kimi, Tenten, Clare, Sparrow

Dormant: Naruto cast, Yuto