Tired

I'm so tired lately... Mentally and physically. I just... I might need to see a doctor or something. It's always like this, yes, but it seems a little worse now. I've always wondered if there's something wrong with my health and I'm wondering it again. You know how they can't always detect when people have something like a brain tumour, because the symptom is really just terrible headaches and stuff until it becomes too serious? Or something like that? I'm probably just thinking too much about stuff, but yeah... I dunno, I'm thinking again.

Better get more sleep or something.

It was weird without him there today. I felt the entire time as if something was missing, a piece of life. Ugh, that sounds so corny and stupid. Sorry. I dunno. Might be because a couple people weren't there. It's flu season... Things were just quieter, a little more empty. I just... I can't think.

"I saw you flirting with that guy. Made me jealous, don't know why. I know I'm not the only one, but when all is said and done, you wonder who your date will be." Lyrics of the song "Why Not Me?" by Alexander Rybak that I'm listening to right now.

Well... Different topic. My exorcism of my skeletons is going smoothly. I've successfully cut off yet another huge chunk of myself. I find it hard now to be that bitchy confident face I used for so many years, but I'm also more angry. I feel like screaming and hitting and breaking things. I want to hurt somebody and cry and just... Let all my emotions out. But if I do that, will I be able to pull myself out of the dark I know I'll fall into as a result? And it's not like I can do that in front of somebody... I'd probably scare them or something like that. I just need...

I don't know, I need somebody to tell me to take a deep breath.

Nnn.... So tired. Another thing, I might quit swimming. I'm not really motivated to do it anymore... Sure I'd keep at it, though not really competitively. I mean, I've got to do something to stay in shape, yeah. But I'd just do it a few times a week instead of the full eight workouts I do now... But it's just contemplation at the moment. I just don't want to set my dad off. Hell hath no fury like my father...

Another thing I don't think of much. I hate my family. Hn. It's an unreasonable hate, and I think that might be too strong of a word. I.... Strongly dislike my family. I abhor them. I am annoyed by them. They're too extreme, too suffocating. It's like... Like... I'm some item to them. A possession. I belong to nobody. And I never will. I can't stand that sort of cage.

-Persephone