Fear

I'm tired... Just oh so tired... I don't know what it means. It might've been yesterday morning that mother told me my diet would end up killing me. Lately, all I ever eat is fruit, some yogurt, and the occasional drink... I barely eat any of my dinner. I'm just never hungry. And I don't want to gain weight. I don't want to be unappealing.

My head aches... My body aches... All the time. I'm cold and hot. I'm shaky. I'm afraid. Today, I couldn't stand to be touched. Even people poking me gave me shivers. My fear is getting worse. I can't understand it. I think it has to do with my father. I know I should call somebody... But if I do... I'll have to move away from here. I'll either go to my aunt and uncle in Edmonton or to a foster home or something. I couldn't handle that. Ever. How could I keep in touch with my friends? How would I keep my instruments with me? I'd lose more than I would gain, I think... And it's just a fear. So long as people don't touch me more than necessary, I'll be fine. I'll be fine...

Reminds me of a quote... I don't exactly remember it... It was something like this: "Fine. Freaked out, insecure, nervous, erratic". I'm not entirely sure about erratic, but it's all I could think of. I'm fairly sure the rest is right.

I've been writing a lot of poetry lately... It's amazing the amount that's in my note book. When I fill it, I'll see about entering some contests. Maybe I'll win some cash. Or maybe I could see about making a book, a collection, or whatever you want to call it. Get the thing published. Could happen, you never know. Just gotta talk to some people. It'd be interesting, to say the least. Maybe I'd make some profit. Who knows, really? Who knows...

-Persephone