Goodbye

I learned a lot this past year. And I think writing it really helped me. I thought things couldn't get much more chaotic then my grade nine year, but I'm rapidly being proven wrong. I've gained friends, lost friends, and renewed old friendships. I'm thankful for it all.

But I'm getting to that inevitable time again. When things start to repeat. I once said to a close friend that "my life is like a broken record. Happy, mad, depressed, empty, happy, mad..." I was very accurate in that statement.

Perhaps you'll follow me to my new blog. If not, goodbye. If yes, I'm not helping you get there. If you've learned anything from this blog, it's that life will always present you with challenges. Well, life's taught me this, too. Suppose I'll give you a challenge for once.

Thank you

-Persephone

Beehive

Blushing petals on translucent skin

sting with the force of a thousand bees.

Scratching on translucent skin,

like an angry swarm.

The bees are stinging

in transparent drops of an internal ocean.

Those blushing petals on translucent skin

shine with the tears of an angry swarm.

Without rhyme,

without reason,

attacking like an angry swarm,

provoked at the slightest thought.

"Why?"

ask closed minds.

"Why is your skin raw?"

they say, oblivious to the angry swarm.

Her smile is broken,

beautiful as half a porcelain doll.

"I don't know,"

she whispers.

-Persephone

Giants

My health's alright, I guess. It's certainly been... Better. The doctor has ruled out asthma and my birth control pills as the cause. They think there's a good possibility it's simply a manifestation of my stress. I'll be going into the Hospital on Monday and again in a month for more tests. I got a blood test done today, too, but we're still waiting on those results.

Today I had an... Attack, I guess, during class. It felt like a giant had grabbed me and was crushing all the air out of my lungs. It was terrifying. I ran outside and tried to catch my breath, but I've been dizzy and have had a migraine since. It's gotten worse and better in waves.

More updates later.

The new blog for Cookie and I will be started. I'll give the link to it once we start posting, too. This blog will be abandoned in favour of the other. But y'all can still follow me and my sister over there! It'll be wonderful, psycho times on the other side at Manor Prosa.

-Persephone

Cookies and Cream

Hi y'all~! Cookie's here with me today~!

HI.

She's not very... outspoken a lot of the time. She's very shy...

Am not.

Oh shush. Anywho~! So the two of us are gonna do a blog postie for those of you who bother to read this! What have we done this evening, Cookie, dear~?

Butchered our nails.

Ah, yes. But we cleaned up most of the mess!!! It's not that bad... Heh... Cookie's sister just showed me her... doll... thing peeing and then tooted... awkward... So glad she can't read calligraphy, as the text shows up on this computer. I'm pretty sure that my computer is the only one that doesn't show up quite so cursive... Not that I have a problem with that.

I don't really know why we came on here in the first place.

OH! News! That new blog for my muses? Yeah, screw that idea. Now it's gonna be used for Cookie and I! So that we can stay connected for once instead of having to find time every couple of months to try and call each other only to find out the other is busy and can't answer the phone or something like that... Yeah... Not fun. So anyway! Yup! You'll have two useless lives to read about! The new blog's going to be called Manor Prosa. It's a Latin word that means prose which is... Well yeah just look it up in the dictionary. I'm too lazy to explain such a simple word to you all...

Cookie stop looking it up in the dictionary.

Prose. Ahem. It means "unversified language. esp. as a form of literature; plain speech. v.i. talk tediously." Did you know that "proselyte" means gentile conversion to Jewish faith?

Uh... No I didn't..? Because I would totally know what "proselyte" means...

Excuse me while we bicker over if Cookie said "i" or "a."

-Cookie and Cream

Currently Here

Boys: Soturi, Kyo

Girls: Mikael, Amira, Megumi

Ringing

Last night he hit me.

Now my head won't stop ringing.

-Persephone

Currently Here

Boys: Soturi

Girls: Sparrow

Speak of the Devil

Wanna hear an awkward story? Of course you do.

Last night I went to the pool with Darlene. It was seriously fun. We started talking about my weird relationship with Jones and all this stuff and I explained things to her.

You probably know now where this is going from the title.

So I dragged her up to the five meter... And then there was Jones. Damn he's attractive. But his necklace was missing... He use to wear this silver chain all the time. I never saw him without it before. But he seems a little different... A little less full of himself.

As you can guess, it was awkward. Really, really, painfully awkward. At least he said hi first? I asked him about rugby... He asked how I'd been... It was so painfully awkward. I've never felt quite so awkward in my life. I just knew I had to get out of there and soon. There was this really tense moment of silence, then I just bolted off the board. It was awful and so, so, soooo awkward. But don't you worry! The story gets worse~!

If that wasn't enough, Jones began avoiding me quite obviously. He couldn't even look at me. He wouldn't go on the diving boards if I was there. He would never pass those up! He lived for tricks. He's learned a few more, too.

He was there with... Ah, I need new nicknames...

Well, anyway, he was there with some people who are also my friends. They stopped to talk to me and they had been heading to the diving boards. Jones actually climbed over the rope fence thingie in order to not walk past me and get to the diving boards.

What the Hell.

So Darlene and I went up to the diving boards again later, once I'd talked to one of my friend about how guilty I feel about the break up. I lied to him about why I broke up with him, just wanting a clean break... But my friend said that Jones probably didn't care, that it was fine and all was forgotten. Not exactly, though, considering the awkwardness. My friend said that I shouldn't worry about it, that if I want to say something, I could and Jones would likely shrug the whole thing off.

So, anyway, Darlene and I went up to the diving boards and ran into Jones, of course. I acted like nothing was weird... Jones took one look at me, then pointedly put his arm out to block me both getting onto the platform and/or talking to him. Rude much?

Then I try to talk to him and he just runs away! I jumped off the board quickly after him and he just bolts for the hot tub. Seriously?! All I wanted was to talk! To say sorry!

Boys are so frustrating when their egos have been hurt.

Later I ran into Jones' best friend. Or ex-best friend, as I should say. They had a fallout over a girl, got into a fight about something stupid, and now they aren't talking. It was building up, though, something I could tell when I would hang out with the two of them. Jones always bossed him around, since Jones always had to be right. I explained to him about how Jones had been acting... He understood way better. It was so relaxed talking to him, too! I got a lot out of it. I really want to confront Jones and explain to him that I only broke up with him because he was being so overbearing and that I got scared. Not that I had played him, like I had said in order to get a clean break. It was messy... I want to patch things up, try and be friends. I really feel guilty.

And I wonder why he acted like he did... If he'd forgotten about me and gotten over it, wouldn't he have been nicer? Honestly, it felt like we'd only just broken up. That fresh awkwardness when you run into a new ex about a week later, even though it's been so long. I really want to know what's going on in his head! Be friend or something...

Damn him for being so sensitive. Maybe I'll get a chance eventually to clear things up.

-Persephone

Currently Here

Boys: Soturi, Kyo

Girls: Amira, Megumi, Mikael, Sparrow

Maintenance

Right! Few things to cover, but first thing's first!

Darlene! She's a really great friend of mine that I seem to have failed to mention on this blog. She's coming over in roughly twenty minutes to spend the night and tomorrow and it's gonna be a blast! We plan to jam and dance and have awesome fun. She's got a blog with Jack, but she doesn't post much. Not that I can say anything... I don't write every day like I promised, either. Hypocritical much? Well, y'all know me by now.

Anyway, so we're hanging out!

Another note, Poseidon and I were talking about making a band. I've wanted to make one since I was in grade six and I can play a variety of instruments. I've written a couple songs, not that they're anything too special, and have always got some tune or other in my head. I have a good feeling about it. I'd add the reason we've started to do this... but it's connected to a secret that cannot be revealed until a later time!

More to come, obviously.

I was going to add something else... Something important... Can't remember.

On another hand, I've got more appointments for the doctor. Going to see her on December 1st and I'll be in the hospital on the 5th getting some experiments done.

SO! That sums things up. One other thing, but I can't remember it...

Aha, I remember! The new blog! It will be happening, but I'll likely keep posting here, as well. Just a head's up! Once I figure some stuff out on it, I'll put the link up.

-Persephone

Currently Here

Boys: Kyo, Soturi, Neji, Mikael (1)

Girls: Amira, Megumi, Mikael (2), Sparrow, Tenten

Views

So I've been doing some thinking... No, not the bad kind. Just the skimming kind.

We had an assembly in school today about internet risks and stuff... Venting's not good on the internet... My blog's a huge threat to my safety... Blah, blah blah. Stuff I already knew and didn't really care about, but had still been bothering me. I'm thinking of abandoning this blog (though I love it so, so much) and starting a new one for my muses. Posts will be coded according to which of my muses is writing. And the title will be the name of each muse. This satisfies my muses and keeps them calm and also allows me to write all sorts of things. The blog will basically be a direct look into the twisted workings of my warped mind.

Interesting? I'd like to think so. I'd certainly be intrigued to actually see what my muses have to say about living in my lil' ol' head. I'll likely only use long-standing muses; like Sparrow, Soturi, Megumi, Mikael, Kyo, and perhaps Amira. Others might pop up here and there, but you know how it is. Or not. Whatever.

Thoughts? Comment if you have them and are intrigued. If I go through with it, I'll definitely post a link to it on this blog as a closing post.

-Persephone

Currently Here

Boys: Soturi, Kyo

Girls: Mikael, Amira, Megumi

Run

I'm so tired of my father. I was finally cheered up from our previous fight when he barged into my room and demanded I stop talking to Care Bear and go speak to "your mother and I" immediately. We had another yelling fight... It's hard not to hate him.

At least mom understands.

Anyway... I've got a pile of tissues, my favourite sad song (The Hill from the movie Once, which I have never seen, but really want to) on repeat, mom getting me something to drink and comforting me, and Poseidon, Care Bear, and Cookie all comforting me. I'm extremely thankful that I have them... I don't know if I could survive without them.

-Persephone

Well. Haven't written in a while... But today I am particularly miffed. Lucky you.

Quite a bit has happened... I finally went to the doctor to see about what's wrong with me. And they don't know either. So now they're going to experiment on me. Yay! They want to see if it's my lungs (incase it's athletic induced asthma) or my heart. I'm pretty sure that it's both, but whatever. So I have to use a puffer before I do anything athletic for a month and see what that does. And I got an ECG done to monitor my heart rate shortly, see if it's irregular. I'm also going to get this other monitor thing for 24 hours, again to monitor my heart beat. I'm supposed to go for a run with it, apparently. Then they're going to make me breath in a bunch of gasses and see what happens...

Yeah. Fun times over here.

I did poorly on a math test recently... Dad just got through shouting at me. Cried a bit. But Kare Bear cheered me right on up, since she spoke to me as soon as I opened my computer. She's so silly. Love that girl~! And my mom just came in to talk it over with me. She promised never to bring up school work at the dinner table again.

Oh, yeah. The whole fight happened during dinner. Then he stormed out.

There's a reason why I hate Christmas, and it has to do with my dad. When I was, say, about seven, I still loved Christmas. Even though my cousins tormented me, I still loved the presents and getting together with family. I loved the idea of Santa and gifts and holiday cheer. Now, I hate all of that. I don't believe in it anymore. It's all just a facade. Underneath, we can't stand each other. We've already thought up a thousand and one insults by the time the turkey's in the oven and our ego's are suffering extreme abuse. As you may have learned, my dad's got a pretty sensitive one.

Dad's a big athlete. He was even more so at the time. If he didn't swim at the same time every day, he was convinced that he would be set back a huge amount. My aunt and uncle were arriving with their seven sons soon and my dad wanted to go swimming. He didn't exactly get along with them. My oma, however, wanted him to stay until the family got settled in, after which he would be free to go. The entire thing was immature and silly, to be honest, and it was forty below outside.

As each party grew more insistent, finally a fuse blew. My oma shouted at my dad, "Well I hope you break your head!" On Christmas eve. Right in front of me.

Of course, dad wasn't exactly happy. He grabbed all his bags, since he never really unpacks, said goodbye, and abandoned my mom and me there. I didn't think he would ever come back. My oma showed no signs of guilt and kept muttering curses against him under her breath. I, of course, decided the best thing to do was to run outside in the blizzard in just my pjs and little boots after my dad. Mom ran after me... My mom and dad got in a huge fight, but dad still left. He didn't come back for hours and that's all that I can remember. Ever since, I've had a complete and utter loathing for Christmas and the entire "family thing." I also think that traditional social behaviours are a waste of time, since we're all faking it anyway. Still, there's a level of decency.

Not even I'm low enough to abandon all civility.

-Persephone

Stress

I come to you, dear blog readers, to rant about a few things, just to solidify them in my mind and sort out what the hell I'm doing. So please, bare with me, for after there will be quite the interesting little hypocritical tyrant~! As expected from yours truly.

Now then! As you can probably tell from the title, I am very, very, very stressed out at the moment. A lot of people important to me are in the hospital or are being kept from me or are to go into the hospital before long. Also! I've got a lot of stress from student government at me school. Perhaps I will start at the beginning and work my way through? Sounds like an ideal plan to me. And since my judgement is the only one that matters around here today, this is what shall be done. I don't care if you've already heard it before! Now then, back to the ranting...

Firstly, Care Bear was in the hospital. I know she's out now, but she hasn't been feeling good lately, and I'm scared she'll relapse and be back in there. She's also decided she's going to get the second option for what to do about her condition: a bone marrow transplant through a donor that will potentially cure her. Or kill her. It's pretty even odds. So I'm scared for her safety, she's like my best friend, after all.

So the day that Care Bear is released, my opa collapses from pain. There's a hole in his bowels that he's been suffering from for quite some time and he actually tells my oma himself to call an ambulance. My opa is a very stubborn man who won't go to the hospital even if he breaks a bone. My mother is forced to fly out to take care of them, since no one else will. Now there's word of complications with the surgery! His knees are flaring up and he may have to go into surgery again to get that taken care of.

So I'm left in charge of the house, with dad across the country for work and my mom a province over to look after her mother and father. My grandpa, the perverted pig, is a huge slob that I am therefore responsible for, along with myself! Cleaning up after him and making sure he eats is enough work on its own! So I'm not eating right. Before long, I collapse in P.E., and la-ti-ta, now I feel like a pile of crap. Might even be getting sick yet again, which is something I really can't deal with.

Dad gets home! Tell him about Aphrodite and I dating... Went over well, actually. Mild relief to the stress... But I still can never tell my grandpa, something I'll get used to.

So dad's going into surgery tomorrow for his jaw and then I'll be left to look after both him and my grandpa and myself, something that's a feat all on its own. I don't know how my mom survives this on a daily basis, but I hope things are easier for her at the farm. So I've got to work three days a week, cook seven days a week, do laundry, wash dishes, entertain friends, entertain family, look after myself, clean the house every day, and a variety of other things! That alone is enough to drive me crazy.

Then there's the student government. I have to keep an eye on everything that goes on, since I'm the minister of student engagement. Making sure things are running smoothly and getting started on making notes on how to get the word out and be sure that events work out is really time consuming and difficult. But from what I can tell, the President has most things under control with the sports event, the Vice-Presidents have things under control with the Halloween events, and... Uh...

Crap I need a nickname. I'll give her a letter.

And S has things covered for Pyjama Day.

My co-minister has completely dropped from the government, so I'm handling the ministry on my own. I just hope I never have to meet the person. I'll call them Fish. Seriously, they are driving me up a wall, and I haven't even met them! Why apply to be a minister without even bothering to show up? I mean, seriously? All I know is that they're a senior! I don't even know if they're a girl or a guy, their name is in some weird language. Anyway, hope I don't meet them. Ever. Ugh.

Just overheard my dad talking about mom's condition at the farm and it's giving me a fresh wave of stress. On top of taking care of her mother and father, she has to look after the farm and deliver eggs. She has back problems, which is a huge issue. From what I understand, it's acting up again, and there's nothing she can do about it. She has to keep working, but if she does it'll send her into a world of pain.

Fuck my life.

Now for my tyrant against the female gender.

Yes, female gender. Not male. Shocker, I know.

Why do women stress so much? I mean, really! Lives would be so much easier without it. I envy guys, since they stress less. I think there's a statistic on it somewhere. And it's downright annoying how women stress so much. Can't they just relax and have a good time upon occasion? It's all work, no play. I feel like I should defend my gender, but I really count. Because we could do something about it, but I guess we're too wrapped up in ourself to even think about that for a second. And guy who read this, don't go saying that guys stress just as much as girls. That's a pathetic thing to get egotistical over. Seriously. Be proud of the fact that you can just be guys and tune out for a bit with your video games like COD or Minecraft or... I don't know, Assassin's Creed and Starcraft. Anyway, yeah. Lucky little bastards. Women and their emotions suck.

Peace out, wish me luck.

-Persephone

Currently Here

Boys: Neji, William, Griffin, Sasuke, Naruto, Soturi, ??, ??, Gui

Girls: Sparrow, "Mikael", Amarina, Tenten, Jasmine, ??, Megumi

Dormant: Kyo, Talon, Melina, Kimi, Hitari, Gumi

Numb

It's starting to get cold again. I'm curious when the snow will be coming. The mountain berries outside my house are the biggest they've ever been in my life. It'll be a harsh winter... Last year was bad enough... But there's more berries than when we had the blizzard in 1996. Hmm... Well, I guess that we'll just have to see.

But I'm not writing to just post about the weather.

Yesterday my opa, or grandpa, was sent to the hospital. He has a hole in his bowels, which is extremely painful. Considering it's him, he's probably been suffering for a while. He collapsed and actually told my oma to call an ambulance, something he wouldn't do even if he broke an arm or leg. He'd just set it himself, get a splint in place, and find a way to go back to working. That's the type of guy he is. My oma is very weak, more mentally than physically. She's been sitting by the phone in a daze, not eating or taking her medicine, something that's extremely important because she has cancer. My aunt, uncle, and cousin, whom I'll refer to as Gladiator, stayed there with her the entire day. But they have to go to Disney World, so they can't look after her and the farm while my opa's recovering from his surgery, if he makes it through.

Before you think that it's absurd my aunt, uncle, and cousin are going to Disney World while this has happened, let me explain. Gladiator has autism. This means he doesn't understand the situation. And saying that they have to cancel the trip just isn't something they can do, since he wouldn't understand why they have to cancel. He gets really excited about trips like this, so I suspect he's been going on about it for at least a month of two, counting down the days until they leave. I love Gladiator to bits and pieces, and I've been looking after him since he was born whenever my aunt needed a break. I want him to have fun in Disney World and come back to have more fun.

So since my dad's across the country for work... My mom flew out last night to go look after my oma and the farm. I'm left with my grandpa, the pervert, for the weekend until my dad gets back on sunday. Dad's also a pervert. I'm stuck with the two of them for an indeterminable amount of time. I get the feeling this is going to be hell.

I hope my opa gets better... That he makes it through the surgery.

Sleepy

I've been reeeeeeeeally tired lately. Obnoxiously so. I'm pretty good at hiding it in front of my friends, but I've been zoning out and almost falling asleep in class on multiple occasions. Just... Yeah. Been losing a lot of sleep and energy. It's not like I'm not eating well! And usually I go to sleep at a decent time... But I can't seem to sleep deeply anymore. I'm waking in fits and starts again. Any dreams are little flashes that are mixed into reality. I haven't had any nightmares, thankfully, but I'm getting a little shaky.

On another note... Care Bear's in the hospital. She had been for quite some time, too. Since at least just after my last post on the blog. She was coughing up blood, which usually is normal, but this time it was more severe. I'm really worried about her, but she should be fine. She might be out in just over a week, but no promises. At this point she's just bored and frustrated with her family. At least her nurse is hot and nice.

Yesterday I was really depressed. I didn't tell anyone why, but it's my dad and grandpa again. They're just... I'm shuddering to think of them. The other night my dad was doing that innocent thing where, when I'm lying on the couch, he sits at the far end and I put my legs on his lap and he idly rubs my leg. Well, I was wearing shorts, since I had just gotten home from volunteering at the pool for one of my previous coaches. He kept rubbing my thigh and getting higher and stuff. It made me really uncomfortable, but of course I can't make a scene with my mom in the room. Then there was my grandpa, who kept making glances down my v-neck without even bothering to be discreet. And whenever I got up to go get a drink or something, I could feel him staring at my ass. I actually looked back a couple times to confirm it.

Next morning he was up early! Of course. And again he kept being perverted while he sat at the kitchen table. Just staring at my ass and the rest of my body while I went around getting ready for school. I tried to confine myself to my room as much as possible and actually ate a really small breakfast up there instead of having to deal with him. And then when I left he still had the nerve of getting up and standing in the doorway to watch me fiddle with my jacket and stuff. I finally gave up with the buttons and just plain fled the house. I ended up forgetting my shoes for gym and lied to my substitute teacher about having to work on Planning during that block.

So my depression that day was kinda understandable. I spent the lunch hour going around to all the girls' bathrooms and writing pick-me-ups inside the bathroom stalls over the carved insults. Things like "smile, you're perfect" and stuff like that. It made me feel good when a girl went into the bathroom as I was leaving and I heard her laugh happily when she saw one of my little notes.

I felt better up until Zeus made a joking comment about being my father, thus he was able to touch me inappropriately. I was joking about him putting his hand under the flap on the back of my jacket over my shoulders as "violating me," so I guess I completely set it up, but after that comment, it was really hard to keep my spirits up. Getting home to my mom interrogating me about everything I did that day and my dad and grandpa teasing me and snapping at me for being a little bit grumpy just sent me in a spiral. I cried in my room until my mom called me down for dinner.

I wish I could do something about this situation, but I really can't. Because if I say something, my family would end up in conflict, which is something I can't stand. When I was little, my parents fought all the time. Them fighting is one of my worst fears. And I would lose so much as a result... I couldn't bare that.

-Persephone

Currently Here

Boys: Kyo, Soturi, Neji, Caro, Griffin, William

Girls: Megumi, Amarina, Jasmine, Kimi, Tenten, Clare, Sparrow

Dormant: Naruto cast, Yuto

Happy Autumn

I really hate my darker half. Everyone has one, you can't deny that fact. Lately mine has been left unchecked, because of my bad migraines, I think. I'm just always irritated and slow, which makes me irritated... Everything is making my emotions all chaotic. Normally I can sift through things and remain normal... But not lately. I can't even follow a train of thought properly. I'm mildly worried about myself... I say mildly because I honestly don't care about myself personally, but I do care about the effect on other people should something happen to me. I don't want people to be concerned over me. But yeah... Mildly worried. Normally I'm a lot more... Well, normal. I guess.

Normal as someone like me could ever be.

I've been feeling a lot weaker than normal. My body can't put up with a lot of abuse and I hurt down to my bones all the time. I sound like I'm complaining, but while I am the type to complain about little things, I don't usually complain about my weakness. Because I hate to feel or look weak. I absolutely hate it... I wish there was something I can do about it, but I can't. Because I'll hurt myself more, since my body can't take the toll of physical exercise. If I run, my heart beats so hard that I can't breath. If I bike... Well I've never tried to bike in a real racing fashion. I just have a grudge for organized sports now, after all my bad experiences. And my dad bikes.

And I hate my dad.

But I'll explain that more later.

Last night I was thinking about swimming. It was really the only organized sport I mildly enjoyed. Sure, people aren't the best. I had only two good friends, but one had more popular people to hang out with and the other wasn't talkative. But the sport... Had I not gotten injured, I would be looking at the World Cup, keeping my sights on eventually getting to the Olympics, or the trials, for the 800 and 400 freestyle. Swimming well and swimming fast... There's nothing really like it. The adrenaline and satisfaction... Feeling the limits of your body and pushing yourself past them... And the entire thing being effortless... It's the most alive I have ever felt.

I wish I could go back.

But my body aches at the thought.

Now back to the issues with dad... I hate him. A lot. He tried his best, I know, but his "this is my house, my rules, you have to do exactly what I say without question" attitude just drives me up a goddamn wall. I hate him. A lot. Mom tells me to try not to, that she knows what it's like, and she does know... But it's getting harder. I tell myself, "he's your dad, your flesh and blood, you're more like him than your mom, you can't pick your family" and all that stuff... But it isn't like he thinks like that.

He's an asshole.

He spends money absurdly, he's lazy, he doesn't do shit to help around the house (other than build it, of course), he's messy, he's rude, he's bossy...

Everything I hate in men.

Aka, men in general, I suppose.

Ok, that's mean. I know a lot of guys who are better than that, with decent personalities. I'm just mad. And hurt. And a daddy's girl who dad is a bastard.

-Persephone

Currently Here

Boys: Neji, Soturi

Girls: Amarina, Kira, Jasmine, Kimi, Megumi (1), Tenten

Dormant: Megumi (2), Anime muses, Gumi, Hitari

Update

Ok, SO! I totally have neglected this blog, but it shall not die! I'll turn it into something other than a journal if I have to, yup yup. But this will contain posts of mumbo jumbo one way or another. Now then for the general update...

Girlfriend; everything's good. Probably gonna go see a movie this weekend.

Friends; solid.

Cookie; shaky, but improving. I think...

So there's your general summary of anything important. Other than, of course, my dreams. Which are weird. As always. For the first time in a long time, I had a good dream. I was hanging out with Poseidon in my room (which was my old room before I remodelled) and it was the middle of summer, so everything was in rich colors. It was nice... We were just hanging out and teasing each other and bickering. He found one of my joke gifts from my birthday and was teasing me about it, so I tried to push him over, but it didn't really work. When he finally let me push him over, he pulled me down with him and we crashed on my bed laughing. In that dream I was the happiest and most carefree I have been in quite a while. When I woke up this morning, I felt tired and more exhausted than I have in ages. I still feel like that.

-Persephone

Currently Here

Boys: Neji

Girls: Tenten, Megumi, Kira, Kimi, Jasmine

Dormant: Anime/Manga muses, Amarina

Fire and Ice

So! Some new stuff! I'm going to make this quick, though, since I've got a headache... Well, I plan to make this quick. But we all know how that ends~.

First up, Aphrodite is adorable. Seriously, it's not even funny how adorable she is. She's just... Ah~! So cute~! She was freaking out the other day over the fact we hadn't talked in a while and saying how she's just so nervous about messing up our relationship. She's so silly~. She could never mess up with me, I swear. Even if she cheated on me, all I'd do is ask what I wasn't doing right to cause it and try to fix that. Ah, so cute~! Hopefully I'll be able to take her to a movie this weekend. I'm thinking Shark Night? She likes horror.

Another note, I'm repairing things with Cookie. She made the first step by subtly saying that she knows we're growing apart and she wants to fix it. She didn't outright say it, but close enough, considering I still have the magical ability to pick up on her hints. So I'm hoping that I'll be able to have a sleepover with her in the near future. Maybe Saturday night, if Aphrodite isn't able to stay late? We'll see.

Thirdly is that it's one of my friend's sixteenth birthday today! I haven't mentions her yet, but she's awesome. I'm gonna call her... Hmmm... Batwoman? She does love Batman... Nah, not quite right. I'm actually tempted to nickname her after Lights, since she looks so much like her. But maybe not. Hmm... A name, a name, I need a name!

I'll keep thinking and come back to this.

Now, I was about to write about how this girl in my drama class has an extremely awesome name. But that would include telling you the name! And since I can't tell you that for privacy reasons, this entire paragraph has become pointless.

I'm going to nickname my friend mentioned previously Lion, because that's one of Lights' songs and I'm watching a football game at the moment. And one of the only football teams I know is the Lions.

... There is a football team called the Lions, right?

Anyway, it's Lion's sixteenth today! Tomorrow I'm going to her place at six for her little party thing. But I still haven't bought her present! Small panic attack here! At least I know what I want to buy her? Maybe I can ask my mom to pick up a sketch book and some nice pencils on her way home from work? I hate spending money lately because dad's getting a surgery for his jaw that's going to cost about 4,000 dollars.

Kinda expensive.

But it's her sweet sixteen! And Lion does love drawing... Haa, so annoying. Anyway, sketch book at the least. We'll see about the pencils.

Lastly, I'm getting a lot of migraines lately. To say the least, it's a very full house up in here. So much noise... Why won't my muses just stop arguing?

-Persephone

Currently Here

Boys: Neji, Sasuke

Girls: Tenten

Dormant: Amarina, Clare, Galatea, Hinata, Helen, Kakashi, Kyo, Len, Lenka, Liz, Maka, Megumi, Naruto, Neji, Rin, Sasuke, Soul, Tsubaki, Yuto

Lesbians and Honey

Ok, so, I haven't written in a while. But I'm writing now! Ain't y'all proud of me~? SO! What's new? not much, I guess, considering it's only been a week.

Well, maybe there's more than that.

So I kinda reeeeeally like Aphrodite. A lot. And so on Tuesday night / Wednesday morning, I told her how I felt. And she likes me, too! So I have a girlfriend now, I think. I'm going to take her on her dream date (horror movie, belgium waffles, and stargazing) and hopefully I will be able to be the corny, dorky girl that'll make her happy.

I'm really nervous. Aphrodite has never been in a real relationship before and she's never had a first kiss. Well... She was dating Wolfe, but as we all know, Wolfe's gay. So it doesn't really count all that much. But yeah, she's really scared to be in a relationship. She's so insecure and thinks she'll do something to upset me... But she never could. Hell, she could cheat on me and I would forgive her. All I want is for her to be herself! To relax and laugh and cry and just be with me. I want to be there for everything... But I'm so nervous. And not just because she'll be a lot of work.

I've put a lot of thought into why I'm bisexual and I've figure out a few things.

1) I'm more a lesbian than I am straight

2) Lesbians covered in honey are sexy

3) My sexuality is due to scarring through my life

I'm not gonna get into detail, but let's just say I reeeeeally hate perverts with a burning passion and I'm uncomfortable around men in general. And if I get yelled at, it hurts more than if someone were to hit me. Doesn't matter what it's about, but I take anger really seriously. I can't handle people being mad at me, it makes me want to hide.

On another note, Cookie and I...

I just don't know anymore where we stand. And it worries me. A lot. I feel like we're getting really far apart. I dunno, I feel like I don't really know her anymore and that she can't seem to understand me as much. It's like we're going through the motions.

It's reached the point where I don't even know what to say. Even my muses are at a loss. Amarina can't offer advice, and even Sparrow's saying she doesn't know.

And another note! Care Bear? She's got goodpasture's syndrome. She's had it ever since she was a kid and I've known for a long time, but... It's just really worrying me lately. The fact that she might be in pain, that she always had to go to the hospital to get treatments and check ups and tests and so on and so forth... I just worry.

Worry, worry, worry... I worry a lot.

"Worry will not seem to leave my mind alone."

-Persephone

Currently Here

Boys: Kyo, Naruto, Neji, Sasuke, Soturi, Talon

Girls: Angel, Amarina, Megumi, Sparrow, Tenten

Perverts, Cats, and Musicals

For the past while I have been at my Oma and Opa's farm. I had a glitchy phone that wouldn't send messages, no TV, no internet, no board games, no video games, no one to talk to, no animals to tend, no chores to do, and raging migraines. On the first day I stabbed a nail through my foot chasing after my cousin and couldn't walk. On the second day I was teased mercilessly about this and taunted from where I was deposited in the living room, unable to move for fear of paralyzing my leg from the pain of putting pressure on my foot. On the third day, I went to meet my cousin, then I went shopping and got in a huge fight with my mother. I've never been homesick before, but I cried myself to sleep every night from how much I miss all my friend back home. I'm too scared to do that at my aunt's: somebody might hear me.

The good things would be that I managed to fix my glitchy phone and was able to text after the third day, that I got new clothes, and that my cousin (who is 35 years old and has three sons) is actually a really cool person. Oh, and my bedroom was the attic.

I watched old musicals all day and looked after my cousin.

I've developed a loathing for cats after my Oma's pet got her blasted fur all over my new clothes and my new, favourite John Legend shirt I bought at the concert.

I've been a little depressed and immensely guilty, because after the concert there was a boy walking with his father. He was clearly bullied at school, from the look of him, and his father was shouting at him and shaking him. His father was saying what a disgrace he was and that if he ever behaved like that again, he would be locked at home every evening. I knew I should've said something, anything. When I saw that, I instantly knew that that was a kid who would grow up to become suicidal, or worse.

I wish I'd said something...

Anyway, now my mother's gone and we've picked up my perverted grandfather from the airport. First thing he does when he sees me is compliment me on the baggiest piece of clothing I own. The only thing it does for me is make my boobs stand out a bit. It's absurdly comfortable and I love it, but he has the nerve to compliment me on my breasts?! He is my grandfather! It's improper and, frankly, makes me feel slimy.

I've never wanted somebody out of my life before who was related to me, but I certainly want nothing to do with him, since he insists on this behaviour.

Furthermore, when we got to my Aunt and Uncle's, he had the audacity to stare at my ass while I carry mine and my father's things upstairs! I'm in a foul mood, to say the least, and am dreading the rest of this damned holiday. At least I can rage on my blog and talk to Care Bear online plenty, as well as text her when I'm away from the screen.

-Persephone

Currently Here

Boys: Neji, Kyo, Sasuke, Soturi, Talon

Girls: Amarina, Angel, Megumi, Melina, Sparrow, Tenten