Pain and Pleasure

I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm putting myself through so much pain for these little moments of insane pleasure. And I guess that's it... It's totally insane. What am I doing?

What am I doing?

He doesn't realize it half the time, just how much happiness he gives me... He never realizes how much pain he brings me... And I really doubt that he'll ever be able to contemplate the power he has over me. Emotions like this are what I was running from for so long, what I'm still so terrified of. Pain and pleasure... They're one and the same, in so many ways. And you can't have pleasure without pain. But pain can come without pleasure... Really, it's your choice if you want to make that pain worth while.

They say that everyone in this world is going to hurt you, and that eventually you're going to find the person that's worth hurting for. But how can you tell who's worth hurting for? How do you know? Is it when you catch yourself staring into space because just the thought of them pushes the rest of the world into the background? Or is it when just their voice can erase any sadness inside of you? Maybe it's that, when they're around, your mind just shuts down and you can't think of anything to say and you're completely tongue tied? Could it be when you forgive them for destroying you?

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't... I...

...

I hate that. I hate not knowing things. I used to have the answer for everything, but lately it's like I'm in the dark. What am I doing? Oh, dear God, what am I doing? I'm so confused... But I spent all my wishes already... How could I ask for more?

Maybe not knowing is just part of it all... My future never shows me anything in my readings. It's always the mystery... I pray for answers, but I never get any. Maybe I'm not looking in the right direction? Maybe. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

So many maybes...

-Persephone