Moving On

As soon as I get the chance, I'm going down to the ocean and skipping the perfect stone I have on my desk. It's got the words "I love you and nothing can change that" etched into it with a really sharp shell I had found. I'm going to break the shell with the rock and then skip the rock as far as I can. I don't really know why... But I feel like I need to do this. Then I'm going to take another shell I'd gotten a few months before and I'm going to leave it by my special place at the beach. Then I'll leave. I just... I don't know why I need to do this, but I really do. I can feel it. I just... I don't know, but I will feel a lot better about life after I do it. I know it.

Huff... Big sigh. Mom's making dinner downstairs. I'm really tired after working today at the pool. I have to fill out some homework for PE still... I'll do it when I finish this. I'm just so tired mentally right now. I realize a lot when I'm tired. I am realizing right now that I really hate my room. A lot. I need new furniture. Asap. And the color of my walls doesn't match the ceiling. I need to fix that. And I should probably hang my faery wings up on the wall. That'd get them out of the way and I think it'll look alright. I should put everything in red and black and white and silver hues... That'd look cool. Too bad I'm only fourteen. I wanna move out and get an apartment that I can furnish however I want. Maybe I should be an interior decorator. I think I'd be good at it.

Which brings up the thought of jobs. What am I going to do with my life? I really want to be a swim coach... But I want to be a writer, too. And a psychologist. And a physiotherapist. Which pays really well. Maybe I can be a swim coach, writer, and a psychologist all at once. Or maybe I should be an interior decorator instead of a psychologist? The psychologist job means that relationships are hard... And I don't have much luck in that area as is. Hum. Decisions, decisions... But I've got a few years.

Which makes me thing of high school graduation... All my really close friends are a year or two older than me. I don't want to have to be separated from them... Although, I am getting closer to being a grade ten. I'm in ten english... Then next year I'm planning on taking some eleven courses. I'll probably do science and math ten in the first semester and then do eleven in the next semester. That'd be good. And I can do planning online or something... Get that out of the way. And I'll continue with PE online... Leave more room for courses that way... I'm going to keep up drama. I love drama. Maybe I should be a drama teacher... The pay is good.

Ah, we're back on the topic of careers.

Maybe I should stop thinking about the future.

-Persephone

Grounded

So, California (that'll be my friend's nickname) started this weird challenge thing. It's 30 days long on 750.com or something. I'm gonna look it up... Anyway, it sounds really interesting. You type 750 words of anything and everything you think of. No restrictions. It's just everything that crosses your mind. Sounds kinda interesting. I think I'm going to try it, because I'm into all that psychological crap and this would be a good experience, I think. So... Yeah!

On another note, I'm grounded. For... Maybe the second time in my life. Because two weeks ago I didn't get in my english homework. Kinda lame, huh? I was nearly in the clear! Then it shows up two weeks later to bite me in the ass. But I think it's alright, because all the plans I'd made had been cancelled or had been in the process of being cancelled. So... Yup! It's all good. I don't really care. Gives me some more time to game!

Haha, I'm such a dork sometimes. Well... Short entry today. Ciao!

-Persephone

The Last Straw

He cannot stay committed! It's... Ugh. This is the last straw. I don't care anymore, that evil girl can have him. I'm done with his shit, pardon my french. I mean, really! Always changing dates and aborting plans. He just can't stay committed to anything! It's his one fatal flaw and while I had to be nice about it before, I certainly don't now! So I just give up. I don't care. I'm done with this.

I have to say, now that I'm so frustrated, I really just find myself moving on a lot easier. Less pain of the emotional kind. But, while we're on the topic of pain...

I had physiotherapy yesterday and now... I'm just so... Ow. I managed most of the day, but I think having the Dinosaur poke me too many times in the shoulder did me in. That or Hermes not being able to just sit still and continually bumping into my side. One or the other, but what difference does it make? I blame the both of them. I was managing alright, just grit my teeth and stay strong, but... Ow. Just ow. After that abuse my back and shoulders just can't deal anymore.

You know... I'm only swimming four or five times a week and my body still can't handle it? I might wind up quitting swimming as a gift to my body. Maybe. It just does not agree with the constant abuse. It can barely handle an easy week of the stuff! If I hold too much water or move my arms too fast, it starts to kill. And within just that one week, I managed to get a whole new collection of terrible knots for my therapist to jab his thumb into. Damn that guy had boney thumbs... Or maybe it's just the fact that the knots in me are so terrible and have so many friends. Ugh, pain...

Music is helping, though. It's my cure for everything there is. Just listen to music and you can ignore the pain for a little longer. So glad I have so much music... Right now I'm listening to a song I haven't heard in quite some time. It's by Christine Evans and it's called Where I Live. I love it... So much. Mmm... It's such a pretty melody.

Well, anyway, what else is new... Ah, that's right. Well, still lots of snow on the ground. It... Kinda sucks big time. I might not be able to have girls night on Saturday because of it. My friend has a lot of snow up at her place, so it makes getting there really difficult. But I guess we'll see. She says she'll text me about the snow and if the conditions improve. Also, and this relates to my little fit up in the top paragraph, he called off the party and moved it to next weekend. I kind of have a life, too, y' know! And while I really want to have him in it, I can't keep shoving other things aside for him. I just... Ugh! So frustrating. So annoying. Sometimes I really hate him.

But, of course, I don't really hate him. I'm just annoyed.

Anyway... We'll see how things go. I just hope I don't completely die from the pain tonight at swimming. Gotta stop typing now, it's hurting my arms too much.

-Persephone

Snow

. : The world is in white : .

. : And it is quiet tonight : .

. : In this icy cold : .

Just a random haiku for ya'll. It's about the snow outside... Yeah, it snowed. A lot. It was suppose to be a couple centimetres... Turned into about five or six inches. Absolutely wonderful, considering I have to drive/walk through the stuff. Ah, oh well. I'm Canadian, so it's all good. We're prepared for this sort of thing, after all. But... It's February. And here on the island, you don't get snow in February. It's frankly unnatural. We're supposed to be seeing the first buds of spring right now, instead we're getting half a foot of snow on our heads! But... It is really, really pretty. Everything is quiet and white and... Mm, I love this weather. It makes me believe in good things to come. And it puts me in a poetry mood, too.

Ah... So tired, so sleepy. But I have to go swimming in about ten minutes. I need to wake up! Um... Tea? No, I had a lot already. And hot chocolate will just make me more sleepy. Coke? Nah, the sugar won't help me. If anything, it'll make me more tired. And I really don't need that... Hmm... If you have any methods for waking up other than a face full of fluffy white snow, drop a comment. Your ideas are appreciated.

-Persephone

You

I've gone to the trouble to make a list of all the things you are. You should know who you are! Yea? All on the same page? Good. We can start now.

Liar

Backstabber

Heartbreaker

Coward

Jerk

Idiot

Sweet

Funny

Caring

Wonderful

Corny

Frustrating

Annoying

Bothersome

Unreadable

Supporting

Talented

Amazing

Loveable

Hate-able

Yellow

Musical

I just realized that you were wearing yellow that time when you were the most cowardly... Now fitting, since cowards are called yellow. I can't continue this list...

Painful

-Persephone

Restless

I know I should be sleeping, but I wanted to write... Even though I don't know what about. I'm listening to the song "In Sleep" by Lissie and other than that, the house is really quiet. I can hear the occasional car outside, the creaking of the house... But that's all. I like it. But despite the fact that I should be feeling peaceful right now, I'm really tense and wound up. I'm just a mix of emotions right now... Damn I hate being a girl.

I feel... Exhausted. Mentally. I just... I've had a really bad headache for the past few days and I just feel terrible. I'm frustrated and really short-tempered lately. Usually I can be really patient, but I'm just snapping at everybody and taking out my anger on people who haven't done anything wrong. I don't even really know why I'm so frustrated...

I hate that. I don't even know anything about myself...

Last night I got thirteen hours of sleep, but I'm still exhausted. Why? I really wish I knew the answer. I hope I'm not sick... Or something worse.

Ah, my head's killing me more than usual again. Nn... Best I go.

-Persephone

Musing

Hello again...

Last night I couldn't sleep. I was just so mad at you!

I still can't understand why you always go doing

those things you do... It gets on my nerves that you

can't even pay attention to me for more than a couple

seconds at a time! But... I guess I should be happy if

you're happy... Nothing makes me more relieved than

to see a genuine smile on your face. But your smile

isn't genuine lately... Is it? I still remember that one

time... You were so caught up in your thoughts. Should

I have left you to them? You worry me. I wanted to

know what was on your mind, but there was other

people around, so I couldn't really ask. I wanted to take

your hand... Anything to comfort you or just let you

know that I'm here and you are not alone. Ever. I

promise I'll always be here for you! Always... No matter

how much it hurts me... Because it does, even though I

hide it well. I have a high pain tolerance, you know. It

comes from years and years of gritting my teeth and

just bearing with it. I'm good at that... Like the song says;

"Tell me when you feel ready,

I'm the one there's not too many.

Hold my hand to keep me steady,

Just to be quiet,

With you..."

I know I shouldn't have there thoughts, but I just...

I just can't help it! I feel pathetic... You won't ever

read this letter, I'm sure... And if you do, you won't ever

realize that it's to you! But... I just want you to know...

...I miss you

~Persephone

Fire

The part of me that pulls me through the universe is my chest. Words to describe me are as follows: anticipation, visualization, justice/courage, hot and dry. My planet is Mars. My quote is "It's all Future what will happen". I am the element of Fire. I am Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius. I am choleric, meaning bad-tempered or irritable. Intuiting is how I make decisions. Summer is my season. I am on the Unstable side and am Extraverted in my energies.

Apparently.

I say... Yeah, ok, reading up there, yeah, that makes sense. Why can't I be head? Rational progress? Ideas/thoughts, cold and moist? Venus? "Search for continuity and consistency"? The Air? Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius? Phlegmatic? Go about life by thinking? Be the season of Winter?!?! Life would be simpler.

Or if I were the pelvis and legs... I'd be more grounded! Ugh, if only I were on the stable side of the scale... Life would be so much easier. But I'm Water and Fire.

UGH!

...

Huff. Well, what can you do?

-Persephone

Sleeping

I don't understand how people can sleep for so long. I mean, I'm a teenager and I can understand that it's really nice to sleep for a long time, and even I've slept in until two in the afternoon before, but this is really annoying! My friend's supposed to come over when she wakes up, but she isn't waking up and it's frankly bothersome.

Huff... Well, whatever. Truth be told, I don't really care if she comes over. I can spend more time online that way. But... If that hag is going to be here all day, I'll be thankful if my friend ever does wake up and get her butt over here. Let me elaborate...

My grandmothers on my father's side are, frankly, bitchy old hags. They use my grandfather and they piss me off. Right now it's the one that he's actually married to. The other we told off a while ago. Anyway, so, she's just... UGH! I want to scream. And her perfume is filling the house. It smells terrible. I hate that smell! Ugh! She's one of the only people on this planet that I really truly hate! And you all should know by now how I am about hating people and such. I just... I can't stand her!

I'm just waiting for her to take her expensive fur coat and red leather boots and leave. She's tricking my grandfather into going out with her for coffee... He needs to just remove all contact with the witch! Anyway, they're gone now. I feel a bit better.

-Persephone

Lazy Mornings

I finished his present, finally. I hope he likes it... Enough of that.

So, I had a really wonderful moment just a couple minutes ago. I was walking around my room, 'cause I'm cool like that, and passed my mirror and was struck by the fact I look really pretty today, even though I'm wearing baggy sweat pants and my hair's up in a pony tail. It was really nice to have that thought... I feel really confident right now. To say the least, it's a nice feeling.

Dad's taking me to go buy a running vest... I don't really think it's necessary, but he wants to buy me one, so who am I to complain? I'm not entirely sure we'll find one, either. Oh, that reminds me, I have to do my P.E. homework... That reminds me that I have socials homework. Maybe I can get the notes on the Union Act from my friend. I can get the assignment done faster that way... Then I just need some pictures.

Well, anyway, today's a pretty good day. But this morning at workout had a really bad moment. My shoulder's hurting me again... And when I got out of the water to do some exercises to get it all balanced out again, my coach got mad at me. He let me do the exercises, though, because he got mad after when I took so long. I missed half of the set we'd been doing as a result... But that's better than screwing myself up again, right? Anyway, I'm pissed at him for not listening to me like he promised to do. He just ignored what I was trying to say like every other adult around this place. Ugh. So I'm kinda really mad at him. And I think I might never trust him now. Ugh. UGH! Hnn...

Ah, well, I guess I gotta go. Um... Random fact of the day... Hm. Ah it's on the tip of my tongue!! Ummmmm!!!!!!!! Ok, ok, ok, ok, ok, so it's that, um... UGH I FORGOT!

Wait I remember! When you die, your hair still grows for a couple months!

Weird, eh?

-Persephone

February

GAH! Have I ever mentioned how much I hate the month of February? No? Well about time I did! It's the worst month for me! I know that lots of people have their birthday and most everybody is ecstatic about Valentine's Day, but I just hate the month! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it with a passion! A burning passion! It's just... So... UGH!!

Ok, gotten out some frustration... The reason I hate February is that I always have a lot of chaos in this month. I don't know, it's like I'm cursed. I also always have a crummy Valentine's Day. I'm just one of those people who never gets anything. No candy grams or whatever. No Valentine... I'm just so bitter about it after years of this. Maybe I'm being unfair, but I am entitled to my opinion on the matter, right? It's my blog.

Anyway... So I'm just... Yeah. And it's also that the month is always so cold! The air is freezing here in Canada! And maybe I'm a little bit mad that I've got nobody to keep me warm... And thus we come back to Valentine's Day. Did you know that St. Valentine was beheaded on the 14th? I take a sort of happiness from this fact.

Guess that's all for now... Back to my fuming over the stupid holiday of love~.

-Persephone

Wishes

OK! Horoscopes and fortune cookies can be scary sometimes! Like yesterday. My fortune cookie said I was going to get what my heart desired. Then the wish I made at 12:34 came true! It was freaky... Because they rarely come true... Anyway today is saying that the best prediction of the future is the past! I'm kinda like "eheheehe heeeennnn.... WHAT?!" even though that makes no sense at all. It does in my head, ok?!

So I'm really freaked right now. New topic.

Swimming's going good? Things are smooth, I love the workouts way more than my old group, it's harder... Um... Only bad part is that now they start at quarter to four, so I can't hang around after school. Except Fridays. But those don't really matter, do they, because he isn't there and it's goddamn unfair.

Ok, that's a little harsh. This is just me being a tired psycho, pay no heed~! And I might as well be getting to school now... Just realized I didn't do my math...

-Persephone

Lucky or Unlucky?

I am kinda... Apprehensive to the day... I suppose. It seems that Artemis wants me to stay a while after school... But I can't do that... I have to go to the pool! Ugh... But... She wants me to stay because he will be there... And I really do want to see him... So badly. But what do I do?!?! This is... Physically painful for me. But... It's not like anything would happen, so why should I even bother, right? Save myself from some pain.

And I really do need to be at the pool on time. Because I'm in a new group and I need to get off on the right foot with my new coach and stuff... And it's really important that I do, because he's giving me a clean slate, despite the fact that he knows everything about my entire swimming career, from the moment I started at the club. It's just so... Ugh!

So I'm a little apprehensive to the day. And I'm pretty sure the fact that my ponytail scared the hell out of me this morning is not a particularly good sign! Ugh...

I just hope Zeus doesn't go and scare me a ton again today.

-Persephone

Questions

So... I had a meeting with my potential new coach yesterday evening... He presented me with one question that I need to answer for this afternoon at 3:40.

What does swimming mean to me?

You might think that I would have a ready answer. "It's everything!" "I love it!" or something like that. But... I don't even know. I often ask myself "Why do I swim?" because even I'm not entirely sure. Swimming is hard. It's probably the most difficult sport out there, and, no, I'm not exaggerating. Sorry hockey players, like Apollo and Zeus. Hockey just does not compare. Swimming is a dull sport, too. So why do I do it?

What does swimming mean to me?

My potential new coach also asked me if I kept a journal. I explained that, while I used to keep a journal, I now use a blog. He said I should start one for swimming. Write down any strong feelings I had during the workout, or anything that I found to be significant in any way. "I got mad at Jaclyn" "Really good backstroke set today" and things along those lines. On that note... Today the provincial head coach was at my workout. He gave me a lot of tips... Worked on my freestyle with me. He's probably the first coach to ever notice something wrong with my freestyle other than the fact I need to speed up my tempo in about... Three or four years? Yeah. Long time. But...

What does swimming mean to me?

None of this stuff can answer that simple question! Why do I go to the pool every day? Why do I break down like a little crybaby when the prospect of having it taken away from me is presented? Why, why, why?! I don't know! Maybe because I've been swimming since I was able to get in the water? The water just is my life! I've been competitive since I was seven, and I'm nearly fifteen now. So why do I swim? What does it mean to me?! I don't know! Maybe because it's the one thing I've always had in my life when everything else disappeared? It's like an outlet for all my emotions, just as my writing is. So maybe that's the answer?

Swimming to me means stability.

-Persephone

Retail Therapy

It's exactly what every girl need to lift her spirits! And what is it? Shopping, of course! And that is how I spent my day today. Shopping! Shopping, shopping, shopping! Downtown, with my sister, for hours! I bought lots of stuff... But I didn't quite spend all of my money. I'll have to go shopping again. But I did get two tank tops, four shirts, a hat... Oh, and two books! I think they're going to be really good... But I have to finish my other one, first. Because for english I have to record stuff for it and yeah...

Um... So... I guess things are good. I haven't really written in a long time. Well, a couple days anyway. Totally obsessed with the singer Alexander Rybak. He's from Norway and frickin awesome!!! I'm not exaggerating! His lyrics are a little corny, but it's totally cool. He's got a great voice and he's really good-looking to top it off. Haha, well, yeah, anyway~! Guess that just revealed my type of guy... Haha, well whatever.

Is it obvious that I'm in a great mood? It's a combination of my retail therapy and my friend having a super fantastic day that both of us have been looking forwards to! And maybe a bit of the fact that I've been eating junk food all day...

Ooooh, my tummy hurts from so much bad stuff...!

-Persephone

Talk

So I've got some good news for once! It's so, so, so great! Are you ready? No, I don't think so... Nope, I'm not going to tell you anymore! ... Ok, joking.

I actually talked with my dad. I know! Like, in a civil conversation! Without shouting or anything! It was... Weird. But nice? I don't really know. Anyway I talked with him about our issues or whatever and swimming and stuff. I proved to him that, yes, his conditions are absurdly ridiculous. But we did come to some agreements. I'll run the 10k with him and run on Sundays as I have been doing. And I'll do the core at Picies or whatever that place is called. Ugh, whatever! Anyway, so, yeah. Good stuff!

Bu- NO. Not gonna ruin this great news with my complaining of superficiality!

So... Short entry. New one tomorrow! More good news... Shopping potentially~!

-Persephone

Conditions

So... Da- Father decide that I can keep swimming if I agree to his conditions... There is no room for argument, just yes or no. Here's his list of demands.

(1) she must surrender the lap top to me. We will set up the IMAC in the living room/den somewhere and she can do whatever she wants to on the IMAC. After 9PM she is off on Sund to Fri nights.

(2) She must surrender the cellphone to me. No more cellphone, it has proven to be nothing but a toy, and you do not get reception at the school, when needed I'll lend it back to her (when she is going out)

(3) She will attend all scheduled practices, except for the month of February she will do no doubles.

(4) She will not attend Provincials, as there is no point. And it is not like other swimmers do not attend meets. besides she barely qualifies in the 200 and 800 free only as a 15 year old. There is no prospects of her turning in a good performance anyway.

(5) She will not attend any out of prov meets for the rest of the year, unless she qualifies for nationals in the 400 free. She will attend nationals unless she qualifies in the 400 free.

(6) She will run with me on Thursday night and swim Thurs morn instead, in order to work on her running, her CSI requirements.

(7) She will run with me and enter the Times 10 K in APril 23, unless there is a meet, otherwise she will run with me and enter some race this spring somewhere.

(8) She will write out a training plan and goals for the rest of the swim season that are reasonable yet not to easy that both [her coach] and [the head coach] and [she] will agree to. She cannot continue to swim with no objectives or committment to training for these objectives.

(9) She will go with me to the gym on Saturday PM for a core body workout of 30 minutes from now on.

(10) She will run with me on Sunday morning starting in the fall, if not sooner.

(11) She will skip one evening practice per week and have a personal trainer at pisces that [the head coach] refers her to for core body work.

(12) She will attend all morning workouts since I intend for her to run with me one evening and to do cross training core workouts once per week.

Those are the conditions.

What the hell? This quite honestly pisses me off. After reading it from an email my mom forwarded to me, I threw a tantrum. Yes, I had a full out tantrum like some little child. Can you really blame me? I spent a solid hour just screaming and crying and hitting things. Then for another hour I took stuff down from my walls and did some redecorating in my room... Redecorating often helps me to calm down. If you hadn't figured it out already, I'm sure as hell not agreeing to this bullshit. Pardon my language... I'm just really mad.

I don't really need all this trauma when I'm sick... I've been nearly throwing up all day and I've got a migraine to battle the one I had yesterday. And that's saying something. The one yesterday left me bedridden... I really couldn't do much of anything till the evening. Even then it hurt... Ugh. I just really, really, really don't need all of this. Not right now... Ugh.

Why did all this have to start happening now? When I'm already dealing with a lot of drama? I'm working on turning myself into a better person and leaving behind the past, but father's dredging up a lot of unhealed wounds from when I was little. I'm grieving the loss of that little girl I once was all over again. It's... Not a nice thing to go through again. At least I had a fit and got to hit things for once... But what I really need is somebody to just hang on to and for somebody to tell me things are going to be alright. I need some sort of a safe haven that I can run to. Get out of this place for a while... Can't really do that when I'm sick. Or any time, for that matter. I'm going to ask if I can go into the other group. Swim about four times a week. It's half the price... And really it's all I want. To be able to swim. Not to compete or anything. At least, not right now. I just want to stay in shape.

We'll see how it goes...

-Persephone

Uninspired

My mother and I have agreed that it isn't that I'm unmotivated to swim, I'm just uninspired, which I personally figure adds up to the same thing. Due to not having support at home, I find myself with no inspiration to try hard at the things I do in life. My dream is still to go to the Olympics, yes, but...

Well, you probably get the idea. No inspiration for that dream and no support at home... It equals me figuring "what's the ******* point" and not trying. At all. Ugh.

Still sick, too... I've got the bug that's going around. Some... Norwall stomach flu or something like that. I don't really know the name. Anyway, a couple days of extreme stomach ache and headaches, followed by a day of hurling up your guts. Pleasant, eh?

I fear my time is nearing... Ugdskajcheigm... Not a nice thing.

Just got some shudders goin' there. Yeah.

As for school work... I'm hoping my friend will be able to bring it to me. We're in the same classes, so... Yup. Well, except for English, 'cause I'm in a grade level up... Hope the teacher won't be too harsh on me. I do call in sick each day... I think. Do I?

Ugh, my head hurts too much...

-Persephone

An Eye For An Eye

Now he's definitely gone too far. Father has removed me from swimming. I have one month to prove to him that I love swimming and that I should remain in the sport competitively. All because of a few things happening that I can't do anything about? A little over a year ago, I hurt my shoulder because I'm working too hard and then last november I hurt my shoulder again for the same reason. Now I get really sick, so that I'm stuck in bed, because of fatigue from hard work and he has the nerve to say that I am unmotivated?! It's downright unfair. Sure, I've been contemplating quitting... But I haven't really wanted to go through with it! Just because I'm a little frustrated with my group, I've been contemplating it. But I was supposed to move up soon! After spring break! And that would've brought the entire sport back for me!

Now that's not going to happen.

Because I'm physically too weak.

What am I going to do...........?!

-Persephone

Living Hell

Today's "great day" wasn't really so great. Well, it started out fine. Did some reading... Had a good math class with my friend... Had a really entertaining drama class... Lunch with my friends/family was a blessing. Then english with the best teacher ever. And socials was nice, it passed by quickly. My teacher's pretty cool and she's got a sense of humour. But I was feeling sick again and I waited around at the school for him to come and he didn't come before I had to leave... So I went swimming because I didn't think my father would accept my excuse of being sick since I had waited around at the school for so long. Went swimming and nearly killed myself... Still feel terrible. At least my eyes don't get all puffy when I've been crying.

Door slammed... Hope that wasn't father.

Anyway, so we had another... talk. More like shouting match with me desperately trying not to cry. Seems like I'm never going to get past being a crybaby... I'm such a wimp. I'm just a little sick! There's a flu going around! But he gets it in his head that I'm just unmotivated and scared to disappoint him.

I'm not scared of disappointing him, I'm scared of his wrath.

Though it's true I've been contemplating quitting swimming. I love the sport, and I do have some nice friends there whom I enjoy being around. But I also feel so distant and it just prevents me from doing so many other things. Like hanging out with my friends... But I don't want to get overweight and stuff, right? I have to do some sort of a sport. And swimming's something I'm good at... Though I really am good at everything. I'm just an athlete... It's in my blood or something.

Maybe I can do basketball...?

No, I want to swim. I want to be able to see them all and be a part of it all and have an outlet for my emotions regularly so that I can smile and be an amiable person. So that I can get out of my house without an excuse for at least two hours every evening. So I don't have to deal with the world for a little while. Swimming allows you to turn off your brain and just let instinct take over. Because I have amazing technique, this is easy. I just put my head down and go and it works fine. I can stop thinking.

I don't want to quit it... I need it to survive. Literally.

On FaceBook a friend complimented a photo of mine. It stopped me from making a huge mistake. One I'm sure I'd've probably regretted...

-Persephone

Smart Cookie

So you may remember me saying something about how I do horoscopes every day? Well, I also do fortune cookies. Today, my fortune cookie was "If you don't live your life now, when will you?" It made me pause for a moment. When will I live my life if not now? So I'm determined to make this a good day. My horoscope also said that today's going to be good. That my happiness will be the mood and I'll be surrounded by friends, old and new. That today, all my hard work over the years is going to pay off. It might be exaggerating... But I do have a very good feeling about today. And it's Tuesday. I like Tuesdays... They're the day before Wednesday, which marks the week as half over. I also like Wednesdays... No real clue why. I dunno, good memories on Wednesdays. I don't really like Thursdays, though... Bad memories on Thursdays... But Vampire Diaries makes up for those bad things! Yes, I just went there. I love the Vampire Diaries TV show. So if you aren't a fan, you can just leave. I, like many high school girls, need my Daemon Salvator fix once a week. So... Mnugh.

Anyway, yeah. So today's supposed to be a good day and I'm looking forwards to it. Just one problem is that I can't seem to find my iPod... Like, anywhere. I'm going to look for it before I go to school and after I finish writing this. It's probably just somewhere in my room under the rest of my junk. And there's a lot... It's all messy in there yet again. Huff. Still haven't really gotten around to cleaning it after me and Artemis made a mess. Oh, also since exam week when Poseidon, Zeus, Artemis, Hermes, and Dinosaur came and saved my from my boredom. They made a rather big mess... Ah, but I'm not complaining. It's not like I really care about if my room's clean or not. Just need to make sure I know where things are...

Well, I've probably rambled enough. Basically, I'm supposed to have a good day and I'm feeling optimistic about it. So... Yeah. Gonna go look for my iPod so I can download all my new music onto it. Ciao~!

-Persephone