So... Da- Father decide that I can keep swimming if I agree to his conditions... There is no room for argument, just yes or no. Here's his list of demands.
(1) she must surrender the lap top to me. We will set up the IMAC in the living room/den somewhere and she can do whatever she wants to on the IMAC. After 9PM she is off on Sund to Fri nights.
(2) She must surrender the cellphone to me. No more cellphone, it has proven to be nothing but a toy, and you do not get reception at the school, when needed I'll lend it back to her (when she is going out)
(3) She will attend all scheduled practices, except for the month of February she will do no doubles.
(4) She will not attend Provincials, as there is no point. And it is not like other swimmers do not attend meets. besides she barely qualifies in the 200 and 800 free only as a 15 year old. There is no prospects of her turning in a good performance anyway.
(5) She will not attend any out of prov meets for the rest of the year, unless she qualifies for nationals in the 400 free. She will attend nationals unless she qualifies in the 400 free.
(6) She will run with me on Thursday night and swim Thurs morn instead, in order to work on her running, her CSI requirements.
(7) She will run with me and enter the Times 10 K in APril 23, unless there is a meet, otherwise she will run with me and enter some race this spring somewhere.
(8) She will write out a training plan and goals for the rest of the swim season that are reasonable yet not to easy that both [her coach] and [the head coach] and [she] will agree to. She cannot continue to swim with no objectives or committment to training for these objectives.
(9) She will go with me to the gym on Saturday PM for a core body workout of 30 minutes from now on.
(10) She will run with me on Sunday morning starting in the fall, if not sooner.
(11) She will skip one evening practice per week and have a personal trainer at pisces that [the head coach] refers her to for core body work.
(12) She will attend all morning workouts since I intend for her to run with me one evening and to do cross training core workouts once per week.
Those are the conditions.
(2) She must surrender the cellphone to me. No more cellphone, it has proven to be nothing but a toy, and you do not get reception at the school, when needed I'll lend it back to her (when she is going out)
(3) She will attend all scheduled practices, except for the month of February she will do no doubles.
(4) She will not attend Provincials, as there is no point. And it is not like other swimmers do not attend meets. besides she barely qualifies in the 200 and 800 free only as a 15 year old. There is no prospects of her turning in a good performance anyway.
(5) She will not attend any out of prov meets for the rest of the year, unless she qualifies for nationals in the 400 free. She will attend nationals unless she qualifies in the 400 free.
(6) She will run with me on Thursday night and swim Thurs morn instead, in order to work on her running, her CSI requirements.
(7) She will run with me and enter the Times 10 K in APril 23, unless there is a meet, otherwise she will run with me and enter some race this spring somewhere.
(8) She will write out a training plan and goals for the rest of the swim season that are reasonable yet not to easy that both [her coach] and [the head coach] and [she] will agree to. She cannot continue to swim with no objectives or committment to training for these objectives.
(9) She will go with me to the gym on Saturday PM for a core body workout of 30 minutes from now on.
(10) She will run with me on Sunday morning starting in the fall, if not sooner.
(11) She will skip one evening practice per week and have a personal trainer at pisces that [the head coach] refers her to for core body work.
(12) She will attend all morning workouts since I intend for her to run with me one evening and to do cross training core workouts once per week.
Those are the conditions.
What the hell? This quite honestly pisses me off. After reading it from an email my mom forwarded to me, I threw a tantrum. Yes, I had a full out tantrum like some little child. Can you really blame me? I spent a solid hour just screaming and crying and hitting things. Then for another hour I took stuff down from my walls and did some redecorating in my room... Redecorating often helps me to calm down. If you hadn't figured it out already, I'm sure as hell not agreeing to this bullshit. Pardon my language... I'm just really mad.
I don't really need all this trauma when I'm sick... I've been nearly throwing up all day and I've got a migraine to battle the one I had yesterday. And that's saying something. The one yesterday left me bedridden... I really couldn't do much of anything till the evening. Even then it hurt... Ugh. I just really, really, really don't need all of this. Not right now... Ugh.
Why did all this have to start happening now? When I'm already dealing with a lot of drama? I'm working on turning myself into a better person and leaving behind the past, but father's dredging up a lot of unhealed wounds from when I was little. I'm grieving the loss of that little girl I once was all over again. It's... Not a nice thing to go through again. At least I had a fit and got to hit things for once... But what I really need is somebody to just hang on to and for somebody to tell me things are going to be alright. I need some sort of a safe haven that I can run to. Get out of this place for a while... Can't really do that when I'm sick. Or any time, for that matter. I'm going to ask if I can go into the other group. Swim about four times a week. It's half the price... And really it's all I want. To be able to swim. Not to compete or anything. At least, not right now. I just want to stay in shape.
We'll see how it goes...
-Persephone
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